i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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