I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Alive.
So much puke
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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