This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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