I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
