I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
