Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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