Moan for me like Helen Keller
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
