mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
