he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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