hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
