I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
