I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Randomize
