you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
