Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
