you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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