What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
