y did u give ur computer a hand job?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I need to stop coming to work sober
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
