I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Randomize
