i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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