I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
