I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
