I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
