fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
How naked do you want me to be?
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