This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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