During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize