Who wears a wallet chain?!
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
