I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
