Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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