This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
