I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
