I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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