I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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