wrigley field is MILF paradise
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
No I am not eating basil off your cock
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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