he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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