And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
PS: I just woke up from my shower
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
