I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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