Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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