When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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