my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
