I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
