Small penises have feelings too.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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