I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
