when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
