someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
