if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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