She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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