you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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