I murdered the dance floor call the cops
this beer tastes like vomit already
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
