I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You don't make any sense
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