im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
