Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
