I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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