sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
