Don't you send me to vm
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
