need another drink. this is the easiest way
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
