I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
