I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
