Please, let me fuck your mom
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
