I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
