how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
