Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
