You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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