Yo dont text me then not text me
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Girls should come with a carfax report
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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