i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
