The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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