I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
