I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
