I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
