booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
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