I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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