Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
