he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
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