Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
