see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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