Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
