Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
