I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
