i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
